Girl Brainz Crave Douches Like A Frequent Tanning-Bed Princess Craves Melanoma

Let’s face it ladies, this is a problem that plagues 99.9% of the female population. These life-sucking, soul-crushing turners of confident, successful women into needy, over-analyzing lunatics have been allowed to run rampant in our local neighborhoods, stores, movie theaters, restaurants and yes, oh yes, even at our beloved bars and night clubs. Women swoon for these non-chalant parasites of society, oftentimes knowing full-well that their shows for attention will only be rejected or ignored. Yes, ladies, this centuries old epidemic is known as douche bag syndrome.

So, knowing all of this, why do we entertain and later give in to the modern-day “douche bag”? I was pondering this the other day as I received a text from a guy I met at the bar…I was at the moment, out and about doing, oh gosh, what do ya know…tanning. I remembered him from the night I met him…he was tall, mysterious and clearly marked by a clingy, freshman girl, who was under the impression that they were “exclusive.” I remember feeling bad for the girl and thinking to myself, I’ll never be as needy and desperate as her. Well, anyways, he was giving me all the right signals…and what girl can turn down free drinks of her choice at the bar?? The alcohol was flowing, the conversation turned into long pauses and lingering stares…make it or break it, this boy was coming home with me…or so I thought.

He walked me home like a gentleman, kissed me until I wanted way more than his PG-13 rated antics, and told me to text him the next day. So, I did…and then, waited and waited and waited…until finally, he texted back. We talked for most of the afternoon, on and off, until it fizzled out into two-word comments here or there. I thought that was the end of the road.

So, back to my original point…the text that I received. Well, it contained my name and the tagline “RA” next to it. Yes, it is common knowledge that I am a resident assistant, but why would he text me that??? I thought to myself. A follow-up text was sent moments later…Oh sorry…he said…I didn’t mean to text you that. I was saving you as a contact and I have a lot of girls’ names in my phone…I had to differentiate between them all, so I could remember who you are.

Are you freakin’ kidding me?!?!? My girl brainz were going crazy at this point. Nothing screams player like taglines under a guy’s contacts, so that he can remember which girl is which. To think, this guy had potential in my mind!…Then why in the world was I still thinking about him???

Admit it. We slightly like the challenge…we know we’re not fillet mignon in this boy’s house of steak, but we’re not chop liver either. It becomes a game…and lord knows, I hate games…but we all play them. We start to pick up on their nonchalant behavior and think to ourselves, if I play hard to get to, maybe they’ll pick me!

Righhhhtttttt…keep telling yourself that. Yes, douches love the game of “hard to get.” And they may entertain it for like half a second…until something better walks along. So, ladies, I am speaking from experience, tell your girl brainz no for once in your life. Don’t steep down to that girl, who’s flirting outrageously with anyone in sight because you are attempting to make the douche jealous. He’s one step ahead of you sweetheart…and chances are, he’s treating you like some clingy girl who, OH WAIT, is under the impression that you guys are “exclusive” or something. Now, doesn’t that sound familiar? 🙂


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2 Responses to Girl Brainz Crave Douches Like A Frequent Tanning-Bed Princess Craves Melanoma

  1. God, I think we’ve all been struck by the douche bag syndrome at some point in our lives…

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